One thing that I have yet to write about is the fact that I have Celiac Disease. Don’t worry, you can’t catch it, that is unless I gave birth to you, which would surprise me almost as much as you. I didn’t want to write about it because there are so many other bloggers who have that market covered in an educational and entertaining way, such as Gluten-Free Girl. Her blog kept me from pulling all my hair out at once in those agonizing first days after my diagnosis. But it’s such a large part of my life that I can’t just ignore it. So here goes.

Basically, I can’t eat gluten, which is most commonly found in wheat. That means no bread. No pasta. No beer. That means I had to learn to be an expert label reader and be able to answer questions like, What exactly is Maltodextrin? This means that anything whose ingredient list had the words spices or natural flavors probably was not safe to eat. Processed foods were out, because chances are there was some gluten hiding in there somewhere. For someone who can’t slice a carrot without making a mangled mess, the world suddenly became a daunting place.

I went to a naturopath after my mother was diagnosed with Celiac, and through a series of blood tests and other forms of testing (I won’t get into that here; let’s just say it’s a sore subject in our house) found out that I indeed had Celiac Disease, and because of all the damage to the villi in my small intestine, I was unable to absorb the nutrients in my food, and as a result I should not eat corn, sugar, dairy or peanuts because my system couldn’t handle them. Excuse me? No sugar? Well, that’s ok, I was planning on cutting down anyway, but no corn? Corn is one of the easiest substitutes for things with wheat in them. Hello, corn tortillas? And cheese? HOW CAN I EAT MY BELOVED MEXICAN FOOD WITHOUT CORN OR CHEESE?!? I swear, I didn’t care that I could never eat a piece of bread again, but don’t take away my Mexican food! Take my right arm, I don’t need it, just leave me the Mexicans.

I think that I have done pretty well in general. I have lost about 45 pounds. I eat better and have more energy, more pep. One of the biggest things that helped me in the beginning was to give up the notion of finding direct substitutes for the gluteny foods I used to eat. I think people start off wanting to continue eating just like they always have. That’s just not realistic. The sooner you move beyond this, the sooner you can see all of the delicious, non-bread-like food this world has to offer. It’s just easier to think this way.

Don’t get me wrong; nothing about Celiac disease is easy. Eating out is always a challenge. Another unexpected challenge is your friends. They all mean well, but soon you get a little tired of conversations like this:

“Here Janie, have some pizza.”

“Oh, no thanks.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right, you can’t eat this, can you? I’m so sorry!” Eyes filled with sadness meet mine.

“It’s ok, really. I’d feel bad if you never offered me anything in the first place. Don’t apologize.”

When I accidentally ingest gluten, which does happen from time to time, I notice it hardcore. It manifests in some people as severe stomach problems. Me? I get very moody, very depressed, and if you value your life you won’t come near me for at least 24 hours until the gluten is out of my system. I always thought I was just a naturally depressed person; turns out it was the gluten all along. Slimy bastards.

I’ve learned a lot about myself my first year as a Celiac. I learned that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. I learned that I can cook, thank you very much. Overall I learned that I have a life partner who will support me and love me through any challenge that comes our way, because she has proven that to me this past year. You’re my rock, little lady.

I’ve also learned more about the workings of my bowels than I ever wanted to know.