We have driven just over 1300 miles so far on what will be known as The Great Road Trip of ‘07. I shouldn’t be able to post an entry today because we were supposed to be camping at Lopez Lake in Arroyo Grande right now. This didn’t happen. Here’s the story:

We were both very excited about the camping portion of The Great Road Trip of ‘07. We stopped by a Target to buy an air mattress (after two days of sleeping on my aunt’s floor, we were ready for a little comfort). We picked up my friend who lives in Atascadero so she could help us set up the spacious tent Linsey’s parents lent us. We were driving through some beautiful scenery in the country when it happened. I was looking at our itinerary, so I missed it, but I felt Linsey’s body start suddenly, and a small “eep!” escaped her lips. I looked at her and asked what was wrong. “Nothing…” she said in that way where you know the opposite of ‘nothing’ has just happened but she doesn’t want to tell you. I studied her face for a minute, noticing how her lips were held in perfectly straight line across her mouth. So I asked again:

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You saw something, didn’t you.”

Silence.

“Was it an animal?”

Silence.

“Was it a spider?”

Silence.

“It was a spider, wasn’t it?”

Slight nod.

“Aw, shit!”

“I wouldn’t have been fair not to tell you.”

Here’s a very important piece of information about me: I am terrified of spiders. Especially big ones. Especially like the one Linsey saw walking along the road. I can’t even bring myself to write the “T” word, the word that we call these big, hairy spiders by. I am that terrified, and even hearing the word makes me freeze and shiver in fear. You know the word. So we’ll call them “Ts” from here on out.

I was very torn at this moment. Linsey was so looking forward to camping and fishing and lots of tent-sex. I didn’t want to ruin a good time, but the very thought that Ts were nearby was a deal breaker for me. I really struggled with it. Phobias are so very lame, so 20th century, man. They are usually worse for the people who love people with phobias, because they sympathize but can never understand the terror that overcomes you in that moment where you come face to face with your phobia. It blows.

We decided to ask the people who worked at the campgrounds about the Ts and the chances of seeing Ts while camping in an attempt to calm my fears. The conversation went something like this:

Linsey: Are there… spiders… here?

Camp guy: Oh yeah. Black widows hang out in the corners of the buildings, but they’ll leave you alone.

Linsey: How about Ts?

Camp guy: Oh yeah. This isn’t the season for them, but they’re around. You’ll probably see some.

Linsey: Because she (points to me) is arachnophobic.

Camp guy: Oh, like arachnophobia? (laughs) They won’t hurt you. You can just pick them up, like this (holds out hand).

Janie freezes in terror.

Camp guy: Or, you might not want to do that.

Needless to say, that sealed the deal. No California camping for me. So here we are, in Pismo Beach, at a lovely hotel overlooking the beach that Linsey’s sister is helping us pay for. We slept in. We had hot, luxurious showers. I can walk around naked. I feel very bad about what happened with the camping, but this more than makes up for it.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you about what happened to our rental car. Or I should say, what exploded in our rental car. It’s a funny story. At least, I found it funny.