Today a patron I was helping over the phone with an email problem kept refering to her mouse’s cursor as her cervix. “So I put my cervix over the text…” It worries me that I didn’t skip a beat in my explanation. I’ve been at my job so long that nothing surprises me.

Thank you, America, for showing the world that we are not redneck hicks who have a total disregard for anyone but ourselves and our pocketbooks. Thank you for having the courage to stop using 9/11 as an excuse to curb the rights and freedoms that our forefathers and foremothers fought and worked hard for.  Thank you for saying no to fear, saying no to bigotry, and saying yes to progress. I have faith that one day we, as Americans, will say no to discrimination of all forms, that we will stop trying to keep basic human rights from any particular group. I have faith that we will all overcome, someday.

Thank you, President Obama, for giving us hope again. Now go kick some Republican ass!

I just got back from voting (and from a slightly painful teeth cleaning). The volunteers working at the church up the hill were having some loud but interesting conversations about how long they’ve been working the polls. This was one old lady’s last election. “I’ve been polling here at the church for over 20 years,” she told one somewhat interested voter. “I started coming here with my mother when I was three,” the voter responded. The poll workers seem to have their own little community, and they serve it with pride. I love reading (and re-reading) Jaime Hernandez’s Love and Rockets stories with Hopey and Maggie, and there’s this one where Hopey decides to work the polls (for some odd reason that they never explain, unless I totally missed it), and we are privy to conversations between poll workers that resemble those I heard today. Everybody has their own interesting little world, don’t they?

Happy voting! Let’s hope for some positive change in this country of ours.

I recently heard the following story and just had to share it with you.

Library Worker is working at the circulation desk when a man walks in, muttering under his breath. His ramblings are loud enough for LW to clearly hear him say, “I am going to kill everybody. I am going to kill everybody. I am going to kill everybody.” LW is concerned; she has been trained to take any threat seriously. She watches the man pace the floor erratically, his body language getting more and more agitated. He tries to go into the restroom but it is occupied, and now he is starting to get angry. LW decides to call the police. As she’s talking to the police, the patron stands in front of the window to the workroom, staring right at her while she pretends to be on a business call. The man finally gets a turn in the restroom when the police arrive. As the man exits the restroom, the police throw him to the floor. The man yells, and is dragged outside kicking and screaming.

So a police officer is taking LW’s statement of what happened when this lady walks up. “That man didn’t do anything!” she yells. “He just wanted to use the restroom!” The officer lets her rant for a while, then leaves. The lady glares at LW and returns to her table. LW is concerned by how angry this woman is and goes up to her to explain what happened.

“I’m sorry you are so upset,” LW begins. “That man threatened to kill everyone here. He said, ‘I am going to kill everybody’.”

The lady glares at LW even more, and with all the seriousness she could muster says, “Did it ever occur to you that ‘IM’ stands for the International Machinists Union,  and it’s the International Machinists Union that’s going to kill everybody?”

LW backs away slowly, marveling at the different kinds of crazy she encounters on a daily basis.

Does the fact that I want to see this movie really bad mean I’m a dork? Or am I really a teenage boy trapped in the body of a thirty one-year-old lesbian?

Maybe I’m just a thirty one-year-old dork, because I think the website is pretty awesome, too.

So I’m having a hard time deciding whether or not I’m officially going to participate this month. I enjoyed it last year, but I also blogged myself out, as evidenced by the lack of posting thereafter. I’ll start with this post and see where it takes me. I look forward to reading all of the interesting blogs out there this month!

I did not participate in the following conversation, but I was given permission to share with those who enjoy reading stories about the library. I have not altered any of the conversation itself:

Setting:  A library, late afternoon. It is a bit quiet… a few people browsing in Fiction, a couple of sleepers in the 900’s, several children drawing in books with crayons. Library Worker is checking in magazines at the circulation desk. Enter The Patron…

Patron:  Oh hi. How are you?

LW:  Good. How are you doing?

Patron:  I’m good now. I just had my yearly physical down at the Clinic and I had the last pap smear I’m going to have to have in my life.

LW:  Oh.

Patron:  You know they’re so uncomfortable because I’m so tight down there. And you know the reason is because I haven’t had sex for so long.

LW:  (Blank stare. First signs of nausea become apparent)

Patron:  My doctor said ‘Patron, you’re so tight down there. You need to start having more sex then it wouldn’t hurt so much.’  I mean don’t we all need to have more sex… ya know.

LW:  (Blank stare. A little vomit happens in LW’s throat)

Patron:  Oh, I’m just so glad it’s over.

LW:  Did you want to check out some stuff?

THE END

 Opening offer: You bring us dinner in exchange for one half (1/2) of one can of Diet Dr. Pepper, unlimited tap water and two (2) cups of Brita filtered water.

Counter offer: You pay for your own food and make it one third (1/3) of one can of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Counter-counter offer: You’re negotiating down?

Counter-counter-counter offer: Yes.

We accept.

I was once a faithful reader of the website Overheard in New York. I was both appalled and highly entertained at the crazy stuff people say when they think no one is listening. My friend and I made up a few of our own that reflect some of our daily interactions with the public. Some are true, others are mostly true, and the rest are completely made up. Let’s see if you can tell which are true and which are not.

Overheard in the Library #1:
Twinky 1: I like totally use the Library all the time!
Twinky 2: Wow, you must read a lot.
Twinky 1: No… I just come here for the DVDs.

Overheard in the Library #2:
Jackass: I’m not paying that fine. I know I returned that book on time.
Clerk: Ok. Later. <walks away>
Jackass: I’m not paying!
Clerk to self: Whateva, sucka.

Overheard in the Library #3:
Clerk: Excuse me ma’am, you can’t bring your pet in the library.
Woman: But he’s my guide.
Clerk: Ma’am, he’s a chicken!
Woman: What? You don’t like chickens?!?

Overheard in the Library #4:
Lady: Can you tell that woman on her cell phone to be quiet?
Clerk: No, I can’t.
Lady: Why not? She’s disturbing everyone around her.
Clerk: Because our administration doesn’t support us in trying to keep the Library quiet. To them, her rights override yours.
Lady: That’s fucked up.
Clerk: Yes. Yes, it is.

Overheard in the Library #5:
Supervisor: You aren’t doing that right.
Clerk: Oh?
Supervisor: Yes. You pick up the book with your right hand, then place it on the pad.
Clerk: But it’s easier for me to use my left…
Supervisor: No! You need to do things the right way.
Clerk: <incoherent grumblings>

Overheard in the Library #6:
Rich Lady: Did you know my husband is impotent?
Clerk: ….Really?
Rich Lady: Yes. Sometimes I miss my ex. He was much better in bed.
Clerk: …Ok. These books are due on June 6th.

Here’s how my day started out :

Anyone want a cat?